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Lindsay Lohan gives her ex her belongings back forcing Dow Jones to break record highs.


The Dow Jones has surpassed it’s all-time high of 21,391.97. Gaining 100 point’s. The S&P 500 is also trading at a record, with information technology rising 1.4 percent to lead advancers. The Nasdaq composite also rose 1.2 percent.

While various pundits are relating this to Macrons win of the majority or to whatever Donald Trump story they chose. Some even attributing this to Jared Kushners trip to the middle east. We here at Killahtech think this is directly attributing to the recent news that Lindsey Lohan was forced to give her ex his belongings back.


“Police at Charing Cross station in London finally spoke with Lohan in person, after which she decided to return the ill-gotten booty. Probably a part of her new Quranic religious beliefs. Also, under threat of prosecution by British authorities. It’s always possible after a split you don’t realize you still have some things belonging to your ex. Unless it’s a Rolex, then you positively do and you’re a thief. You lose a hand for this, right?”

While the more rational and actual smart guys/gals at ibankcoin believe the markets are set to surge.

“While the political scene is a chaotic fucking mess, the markets have a mind of their own. For veterans out here trading equities, this is a paradigm that takes getting used to. Markets have never been so docile.”

They go ahead and point to the some of the markets that have led to this latest increase.

“Both steel and semis sold off last week.   Both sectors couldn’t be different, with one leading the way towards innovation and the other a relic of the Victorian era. Needless to say, the market loves them both today.”


We here still think it’s all because of Lindsay Lohan suddenly becoming a decent person.


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